Some people find it easy to tell if a relationship is healthy, but for others it is not so clear. This includes your relationships with family members, friends, and sexual or romantic partners. Sometimes it’s hard to know if it's okay for your partner (or family member, or friend) to treat you in a certain way, or if it's fine that you feel a certain way about a relationship. A healthy relationship is one that makes you feel good about yourself, and feel good about the other person.
If you think you are in an unhealthy relationship, you can do a few things. Talk to the other person. Open and honest communication is really important in a healthy relationship. You can also talk to a counsellor or call a helpline to talk to a third person who is not involved in your life.
What does a healthy or unhealthy relationship look like?
In a healthy relationship, you and the other person:
- Trust and respect each other
- Communicate clearly and honestly
- Feel secure about your relationship
- Are sexual by choice
- Have more good times in the relationship than bad
In an unhealthy relationship, you and/or the other person:
- Are verbally or physically abusive
- Try to control or manipulate the other
- Make the other feel bad about him/herself
- Don’t let the other get close with anyone else
- Are overly possessive and get jealous easily
Who can I talk to if I need relationship advice?
If you can’t talk to your family or friends about the relationship, you can talk to a counsellor in person, or call a helpline to talk to someone. Here are a few helplines you can call – none of them will ask you for personal information so you can stay anonymous:
- SpiderBytes
Sexual Health Info Line (Toronto only) - 416-961-3200
SpiderBytes also has MSN Messenger sexual health support. - Kid's Help Phone
1-800-668-6868 - Lesbian Gay Bi Trans YouthLine
1-800-268-2688
Are you LGBT and have questions about your relationship with a partner, friend or family member?
Call this number for free counselling.
I’ve tried everything - my relationship is just getting worse. What do I do?
If your emotional and physical health gets worse no matter what you try, you have a few options:
- You can break up with your sexual or romantic partner. This can be hard, but good for you.
- With friends, you can choose to end your friendship.
- With family, things are more complicated. You may need someone who is not a part of the family, like a close family friend, or a counsellor, to intervene on your behalf.
Protect Yourself - Make a Safety Plan!
A safety plan (or, escape plan) is a plan you make to protect yourself against abuse. To make a safety plan, think of people you can call to talk to, or places you can go, if you need space from your abuser.
These resources can help you - they are worksheets from LoveIsRespect.org. Creating a safety plan by yourself can be hard. Think about asking a counsellor or a friend to help you fill the worksheets out.
This article has been adapted from these two resources:
- "Why do people stay in abusive relationships?" written by LoveIsRespect.org
- "Potholes and Dead Ends: Relationship Roadblocks to Look Out For" written by Heather Corinna for Scarleteen.Com
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